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posted on 1/2/2022 18:42More days in tory - Gramsci.

Courtesy of @RussInCheshire

1. Our PM, Sir Plankton Churchill, cancelled a call to Putin so he could go to parliament and tell them he must focus on phoning Putin
 
2. Theresa May, a tin seabird that’s swallowed a kazoo, asked Johnson whether he was too thick to understand the rules, or too corrupt to care 
3. Andrew Mitchell became the 2nd long-term Johnson supporter to tell him to go and spend more time with his family. Or somebody else’s. Boris isn’t picky.
 
4. Because Johnson had quite obviously lied to parliament, he covered up by [checks notes] lying to parliament some more 
5. Johnson said he’d got “all the big calls right”. Oh, is that right pal?
 
6. An Imperial College study says his delayed first lockdown cost 20,000 lives
 
7. It found he prioritised 2020 Christmas over public safety, and as a result 80,000 more people died by Feb 2021 
8. Johnson accused Labour frontbenchers of having a drug problem, seemingly forgetting he works with ****e in sheep’s clothing Michael Gove
 
9. He accused Starmer of letting off Jimmy Savile, which is a lie so big even the speaker rebuked Johnson – albeit 24 hours too late 
10. Johnson claimed we had the fastest growing economy in G7: we’re 6th
 
11. He said crime was down 14%: it’s up 14%
 
12. He said he’d “got Brexit done”, just before the constitutionally slack-brained Liz Truss headed off to continue negotiating the supposedly "done" Brexit 
13. Truss promised Brexit will all be sorted in a month
 
14. She had also promised that in 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020 and 2021
 
15. Truss was given a direct quote from the Sue Gray report, and refused to discuss it because “I won’t comment on hypotheticals” 
16. Truss also sat unmasked for an hour next to the entire cabinet in parliament, and then told them she had Covid
 
17. She was sat immediately next to Priti Patel, Miss Trunchbull in larval form, and I don’t fancy Truss’s chances if “Razors” Patel gets poorly cos of this 
18. Straight after that, Johnson piled into a room with 365 Tories and a few trillion Covid particles, to tell maskless MPs he takes the pandemic seriously
 
19. He reassured MPs his old campaigner Lynton Crosby was coming back to fix ****
 
20. Crosby said he’s not taking the job 
21. And then up rocked the ethereally gormless Nadine Dorries, seemingly dragged in front of the cameras fresh from a fight outside a flat-roofed pub, and bizarrely claiming “The PM does not tell lies”
 
22. She said a quote directly from the Gray report was “pure conjecture” 
23. 2/3 of voters want Johnson to resign
 
24. 83% think he broke rules
 
25. 75% think he’s a liar
 
26. Presumably Tory MPs think this is all just fine and dandy, cos they still haven’t ousted him
 
27. Not all though: Angela Richardson, aide to Michael Gove, resigned in disgust 
28. Tory MP Peter Aldous called on the PM to resign
 
29. Tory MP Tom Hunt said Johnson's story is not “acceptable, excusable or defensible”
 
30. Other Tory MP quotes:
 
31. The entire party "is ****ing deluded”
 
32. “Boris still things this is all a game” 
33. Johnson is “a ******* [who will] do anything to wriggle off the hook”
 
34. “I have to say, isn’t the PM just ****ing awful?”
 
35. “He’s dead, we’re just waiting for the coroner”
 
36. “I am currently in Europe and can report the PM is turning our country into a laughingstock” 
37. Sue Gray said there was a culture of excessive drinking in Downing St
 
38. Oliver Dowden, Tory Chairman and adenoidal Morph cosplayer, said the PM is “committed to tacking the underlying culture” of everybody getting ****ed whilst driving a country 
39. Johnson is on record saying “I drink an awful lot at lunch”
 
40. Gavin Barwell said drinking didn’t happen under Cameron or May, so the "underlying culture" is basically Johnson
 
41. So an whole new govt dept is being formed to try to stop the PM getting ****ed and ****ing up 
42. Other news: Michael Gove’s forthcoming epoch-making “Levelling Up” policy promises less money than Tories have cut *just since 2020*
 
43. His other main idea - and I use that word quite wrongly - is that people from poor areas should not to move to London to find better jobs 
44.You have to get 200 pages into the Dept of Health annual report before you find where they hid the fact they’d wasted £8.7 bn of their £12 bn PPE orders
 
45.That’s the same as a stack of £10 notes 60 miles high, maths fans 
46. And they published a 100-page booklet on the benefits of Brexit
 
47. It says we can now create freeports, which we could before Brexit
 
48. It says we can now cut plastic bags, which we could before Brexit 
49. It says we can now add crown marks to pint glasses, which we could before Brexit
 
50. And it says we can have blue passports, which we could before Brexit
 
51. And that’s it. For £800 million a week.


- “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” - George Orwell -